It is said that people who consistently do small good things will eventually bring about great results. As I look back on my life, I realize the effect that this principle has had on my life and the lives of my now grown children. While it is easier to see this at play when we look back on how far we’ve come, it is there even in those moments when we question if we are getting anywhere.
I sometimes experienced those moments when I was raising four kids – three teenagers and a rambunctious little girl – as a single mom. There was never enough time and never enough money. What I wanted for my kids, and what they wanted, were frequently two different things. In my mind, I had a vision of the goal I wanted us to reach, but our daily reality frequently felt like it was off the mark.
For some reason, a particular Sunday afternoon stands out in my mind. I was standing on my driveway, and was overwhelmed with the feeling that I just wasn’t measuring up. Truth is, I had already done so much that day that was good for the kids, and good for our family, but it was hard to see that. As it turned out, day by day and year-by-year, they grew up and went into the world to create their own successful lives and families.
Fast-forward to the future: On my job where I work with individuals and families in need, I had occasion to speak with a mom and dad who are doing the best they can to raise their family. Money is tight; they can barely afford to pay their rent. Dad is in school trying to finish a nursing degree. Mom recently lost her job and is looking desperately for another one. Their oldest child has started college, the next one is in high school and the youngest in junior high. They feel they can no longer afford the expensive area they live in and are thinking of moving somewhere more affordable, but trying to balance the need for that with the desire to keep the younger two in their communities and schools. The father could return to work to help with finances but doing so sacrifices the greater long-term security of his hoped-for nursing degree.
Everything feels so heavy right now. I could see it in the wear on Mom’s face.
These were good people with a strong desire to do what is right for their family, yet they the were so afraid they were failing. I pulled from the treasure-house of my own experience to offer them reassurance:
“You already have a successful family. You’re in school trying to improve yourself. You’ve got one kid in college and another one on the way! You’re keeping a roof over their heads, and food in their tummies. Everyone’s getting up and going to work or school every day. You already are successful. Just keep doing what you’re doing, one day after the next, and don’t give up.”
Mom started to cry, and a tear came down Dad’s cheek. My words had struck a place deep in their hearts, hitting on their deepest heartfelt desire.
If I could go back in time, I would give that same reassurance to the younger woman on the driveway. I would tell her she is in the middle of a great work, and is showing up for that work, every day. She continues to put one foot in front of the other and with each day that passes, is one day closer to producing adults who will have come from a decent home.
What’s rewarding about Consistency, especially when it comes to kids – it’s not just the cumulative effect of those small daily efforts, but the example we end up setting along the way. Our reward comes not just from the fruits of our labors, but when our kids grow up and become “consistent” people themselves.
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