You’ll recall that in my last column we learned the story of Becky, age 64, whose layoff threw her into a state of shock and heartache. Her questions to deal with immediately: how would she manage financially? Would she qualify for unemployment benefits? Should she keep working, or retire? I know you are curious about how things turned out for her.

Becky knew she wanted to keep working. She had been in marketing for 13 years, but let’s take a closer look at the specifics of what her responsibilities had been. Becky’s specialty was traditional print advertising development and planning. After considering all options, she ultimately decided to “up” her game and get the necessary training to obtain certification in “digital marketing.” This would allow her to stay within her industry, but it did two more things – it put a new spin on what she had to offer, and it provided her with skills that had now become critical in today’s marketing world.

I like sharing this example because it offers two key lessons. The first is that given her stage of life, she chose to stay within the realm of her professional experience. Why is this important? Let me tell you this – when a candidate is older, their years of experience and training in a particular field can be seen as a plus in their favor. This doesn’t mean that we can’t try something new. It just means that when we’re older, the more transferable our skills and experience are for a job we are seeking, the better.

The second takeaway is that although she chose to stay in her industry, she was willing to increase her knowledge and skills in order to expand her options and make herself more competitive. More on this subject in a minute.

Here are some important things I’d like you to consider when job-seeking in mid-life, or any other time of life:

Figure yourself out. What do you love? Hate? What are your strengths or weaknesses? What are your skills? There are online tools that can help you answer these questions.

Be honest with yourself about things that may have been holding you back from achieving your life or professional goals. In my industry we call these “barriers” and they manifest in many ways: addictions, mental or emotional disorders, unhealthy relationships. You get the idea. Let’s face it – life has been hard and we may have picked up some baggage along the way. If so, it will serve you well to seek out help and deal with these challenges, once and for all.

Identify your timeframe for when you need to be working. Do you need to start bringing in money right away, or do you have some breathing room? Is it realistic, or do you have the desire, to train for something new?

Know what industries in your area are hot, or what we call “growth” industries. You may be the best in the west at shoeing horses, but if you live in Sonoma County, you’re going to find more employment opportunities in, say, hospitality and tourism. A great site for researching growth industries in any area of the U.S. is https://www.onetonline.org/.

Remember that your social network isn’t just for having fun, it’s for helping you find jobs – duh! Spread the word to family, friends, friends of friends, current and former colleagues and acquaintances that you’re looking for opportunity. Don’t be afraid to mine whoever you can. While it’s not always the case, connections sometimes matter more than your experience or training.

Keep yourself healthy and fit, as much as you can, both mentally and physically. You may not be the youngest job-seeker out there, but a healthy look and attitude will go a long way in your favor. Now this one really is important: remember it’s a new world out there. Job search methods may have evolved significantly from the last time you were looking. If you’re getting hung up, get someone who can help you. Additionally, there may be new skills you’ll need to learn for your industry, or new workplace culture or practices you’ll need to adapt to. This is a big topic – let’s talk more about this in my next column!

Whoa, there’s a lot to consider! If you’re feeling overwhelmed, fear not: help is out there and some of it is free. Sonoma County residents can check out the Sonoma County Job Link office. There you’ll find professional career counselors who can help you and workshops that cover great topics. Here’s their link: https://sonomawib.org/. You don’t live in Sonoma County? No problem! Every county in California has an America’s Job Center of California location.

Life is rarely linear. Whatever your journey, I believe you have what it takes to face it well-prepared and with confidence.

Last time, I shared my story of my midlife career change, which had its trials in the beginning but
worked out well for me over time. The new path I was on eventually crossed that of another woman who was experiencing her own midlife career change. Mine had been voluntary; hers was thrust on her by surprise, bringing with it shock and emotional trauma. I first encountered Becky (not her real name) in the resource center where I work as an employment counselor. We chatted, and she shared with me that she had recently been laid off and was exploring her next options. She was an attractive woman with an engaging smile and an immaculate professional appearance. In my opinion, she looked like a million bucks. I learned that she was 64 years old and was now looking for a new job, possibly a new career direction.

Eventually we met one-on-one and I learned her story. Becky was in marketing; for 13 years she had worked for an advertising agency in a major city, leading a team of 4-6 others which, under her leadership, had achieved many successes. About a year prior to the layoff, the company underwent a major reorganization and transitioned in a new manager who was also a woman, yet significantly younger, to whom Becky would now report.

Becky retained her expansive workload, but her work week was cut from 5 to 4 days, and unrealistic targets were created. Additionally, the new manager arranged one-on-one meetings with individuals on Becky’s team, during which negative misinformation was fostered. Becky continued to do what she had always done – work hard and remain committed to delivering outstanding client service, but from her perspective, her efforts to lead the team were being undermined and she was being set up for failure.

The day eventually came that Becky was called to the new manager’s office and given the news that she was being let go – news that not only hit her like a ton of bricks, but contradicted everything she had believed about her job performance over 13 years. Two weeks after her dismissal a new woman, someone much younger and a former colleague of the new manager, was hired to take Becky’s place.

As Becky shared this deeply impactful experience with me, tears came to her eyes. Upon seeing and feeling her emotions, I observed that what she was experiencing seemed to me very similar to what we sometimes go through when an intimate relationship ends: Shock. Heartache. Feelings of rejection and unworthiness. This experience caused Becky to question her own abilities and everything she had believed about her contributions to the organization. Perhaps she began to question herself in other areas of her life, as well.

I know what you’re thinking as you read this, the same things I was when I heard her story. Deep inside you’re crying, “This is age discrimination! This is outright wrong!” (momentary freak-out: when did we get old enough to be victims of age discrimination?)

Regaining her sense of self-worth was only the beginning of the issues and questions that Becky needed to deal with, and right away. Being single and therefore having no financial support to fall back on, how would she manage financially? Would she qualify for unemployment benefits? Should she try to find another job or, at age 64, throw in the towel and call it a day?

Job loss in mid-life can be both a curse and a blessing. Our ego is grieving, our financial security is threatened, and we feel a sense of powerlessness. But perhaps in this mix there is a little blessing – an opportunity that exists once the initial shock has worn off.. an opportunity for us to stop, be still, and ask ourselves, “Can I now do something more fulfilling? Can I fill a vocational need that to this point in my life, has gone unmet?”

Perhaps this “horrible thing” can lead us to something we would not have pursued, had we not been forced into it. Please join me next time as we discuss walking the path of vocational discovery, in mid-life.

This stage of life – mid-life – puts its own unique spin on everything we do, and career change is no exception. Changing careers in your twenties or thirties is one thing; career change in your fifties or sixties? It’s a whole different ballgame. Sixties? you ask.. who’s changing careers in their sixties? A lot more than you would think!

When we change careers in mid-life, it is sometimes voluntary. It is sometimes forced upon us in a devastating way and by surprise. Maybe it is not career change that we are experiencing, but career entry – after years of being outside the workforce.

I have my own story of mid-life career change and in my case, it was voluntary. I had been working happily for several years in the financial aid office of a local college. In spite of the fact that I loved the beautiful campus, the people I worked with and I especially loved the students, in 2011 I began to have inner stirrings; thoughts of doing something different. Thanks to a serendipitous conversation with a coworker, I was ultimately led to a different kind of employment opportunity in a nearby county. The position was still in the field of human services, but it involved serving people in a much different way. I applied, tested, interviewed, interviewed again and by early spring of 2012, had a job offer in hand. I retired from state service and went off to pursue a new career. This was crazy! It was also exhilarating.

My husband, who apparently had had some quiet concerns, now began voicing them. “But, you’ve been working at the school for so long..” “You’re so happy there..” “It’s right down the street from you and now you’ll have to commute.” “I thought you said you were trying to simplify your life, not complicate it..” His points were, of course, all valid. But my inner voice continued to say, “This is right.” And so I followed that voice, gave notice to my old employer and began to walk in a new direction.

I took a two-week break and went to Kansas (yes, Kansas, it was wonderful), then started my new job upon return. The first couple of weeks felt surreal. Was I really here? Had I actually left my old job? At first I viewed everything through the lens of comparison.. comparing my new and former industries, comparing office practices, workplace culture, and people. Now I had a whole new crop of co-workers that I saw each day. I would get to know these people and I knew that, given time, they would become my friends.

Learning my new vocation required a one-year training process in a class with nine other individuals. The last time I had trained for a new job, I’d been in my thirties; now I was in my fifties. Could my brain do it? Did I have what it would take? Well, it did not prove easy. There was a lot to learn, much of which involved new computer systems. Some days were really hard and confusing, and those days were sometimes followed by tear-filled evenings. During this time my husband was my champion and definitely earned an “I-survived-my-wife’s-training” T-shirt! Inevitably, I began comparing myself and my learning to others in my class. Was I doing as well as they? How were they able to recall concepts and answer questions so easily? Comparisons led to self-doubt about my abilities. Then even worse, I began to doubt my intelligence. My whole life I had believed that I was a smart person, then one day I had a conversation with myself and questioned if all along I’d been wrong about that – that maybe I really was not the smart person I thought I was.

At this point I decided there was only one thing to do: have my brain evaluated by a professional – a psychiatrist! When I called for an appointment and was asked the reason for the request, the scheduler on the other end was kind and began to talk to me. For fifteen minutes we discussed different thinking styles and learning styles; she shared with me that there are concrete thinkers and there are abstract thinkers. I was able to determine that I was an abstract thinker, and because of that, I think and learn differently than those who are not. This woman was my personal angel that
day.

Now I began to feel better about myself and did not need that appointment after all!

How did things turn out? I passed the training class. After proving myself a solid worker, I twice moved up to new opportunities, and LOVE what I currently do. So many lessons here, including the power of following our inner voice, and the power of never giving up on ourselves. Please join me next time as we continue our discussion of career change in mid-life.

When I was young, people were talking about the generation gap. Today, we’re talking about the technology gap. Allow me to share a little story from a few years ago. My husband and I were on a trip to visit our niece in Southern California, and at the time we did not yet have smart phones. A few miles away from her apartment, we called to explain that we had her address, but could use some directions getting there. Sounding slightly puzzled, she replied “Just plug it into your phone.” We explained that we weren’t able to do that, but she seemed thoroughly confused. Having not lived at her new place very long, she didn’t know street names and wasn’t really able to help us. We hung up after a few minutes of unsuccessful conversation, then managed to find her location and pull up a few minutes later. As we were grabbing suitcases out of our car, she appeared outside her apartment on the opposite side of the street. Expecting her to run over and hug us, we were amused when our first encounter was slightly different. With arms lifted in questioning gesture and a look of incredulousness on her face, she shouted over to us, “What do you mean you don’t have GPS!?”

I’ve had a dear friend at work for a few years now, someone quite younger than me. I call her my little Millennial and she probably thinks of me as her little Boomer. For a time, we sat near each other and I was always intrigued to watch the way she approached her work, the things she said, and her life in general. We were clearly raised in two different generations. I had a mountain of paperwork at my desk.. client files, binders, printed reference materials, etc. Her desk, however, was usually free of paper. She seemed completely at home working with electronic images of documents that clients had submitted, rather than the hardcopies themselves. Reference materials needed for her work? They were in digital form on her computer. When she and I talked about some of the ways that we worked differently, she would say, “I don’t know what to do with paper.” Then looking quizzical, she would ask rhetorically, “What do you do with it?” These kinds of conversations got me thinking that not only did we do a lot of things differently, but our minds actually seemed to process information differently. Ultimately, I was led to the development of my own personal theory.

Now I don’t claim to be an expert, but I’ve seen or been a part of a lot of “us and them” moments over the last couple of decades. We older folks can manage technology when we need to, but what generally takes us more effort to get down pat (and of course there are always exceptions to the rule), the younger people seem to almost absorb through their pores. No instructions needed! Now here’s my theory and I’ll use my co-worker friend and myself as an example. She grew up with many of her daily tasks and activities being in the cyber world. I grew up with my daily tasks and activities being in the physical world. So, when I’m trying to learn or understand a process that is purely digital, in my mind’s eye I’m attempting to visualize and attach physicality to it. My brain is attempting to conceptualize it this way. But – could this be slowing me down? Am I jumping through unnecessary mental hoops?’

I believe that my idea is similar to what happens when we’re learning a new language. Let’s take German, for example. Someone says to you, “Möchten Sie etwas Butter mit Ihrem Brot?” Understanding what they’ve said but not yet being quite fluent, you change it to English in your head: Would you like some butter with your bread? Composing your reply in English, you then change it back to German and verbalize to them, “Ja, bitte, das schön wäre.” (Yes, thank you, that would be lovely.)

So, what do you think.? am I on to something here?

My youngest daughter is a Millennial (and proud of it!) “What’s funny about your generation, Mom..” she will say to me, “is that you guys want to know, or you want to figure out, how something (digital) works. In my generation, we don’t care how it works. We don’t need to understand it. We just know it does!” She also observes with amusement that when someone older is giving an address to someone younger, we are determined to explain to them how to drive there. Meanwhile they’re plugging it into their GPS, and probably ignoring us!

My, aren’t we different. I would never assume to know all the reasons for the intriguing dance that occurs between us, them and technology. The ideas shared here are just some food for thought. But I can’t help but wonder if someday in the future, when hairs have turned grey on the heads of Millennials, will their grandchildren be trying to teach them the newest invention? Only time will tell.

Our world is a very different place than what it was thirty years ago. One aspect of how things have changed is the role of technology in our daily lives. As mid-lifers, we were there to see the dawn of a new era and we’ve watched its evolution into the place it holds today. Young people who grew up inside this evolution may hardly be aware that it occurred. Those of us who are older watched our world change and we did it through the eyes of adults.

We may find technology useful. We may find it enjoyable. We may find it a frustrating annoyance we are forced to deal with when methods we formerly used to accomplish tasks have become obsolete and no longer an option. Perhaps we experience all of the above! But in the over-arching picture of our world today, technologically speaking, there are two things I find very interesting.

One is the magnitude of what moving into this era meant for us and the learning curve we’ve been on ever since. We may have encountered our first personal computer, or what was then an amazing new way of instant communication, called e-mail, in our workplaces. We are a generation of doers and so we didn’t dilly-dally – we set about the business of adapting to this new landscape. Eventually we took the plunge and purchased desktop computers for our homes. Since those early days, which by today’s technological standards may seem quaint, we have continued on our adaptation-path. New ways of applying technology to daily living seem to pop up at every turn. Sometimes we hide.

Sometimes we resist. But usually we forge ahead and learn to deal with it, sometimes even embracing new ways of managing life! We are calling Ubers with our apps, sharing online calendars with spouses or partners, creating electronic invitations to special events, finding ideas on Pinterest to enrich or beautify our lives, or doing what I did just a few days ago – surprising friends with a text that includes a personal Bitmoji. (Ok, I must confess I got a bit of help from my grandson, but my friends loved it!)

Of course, the things I’ve mentioned above are a very short excerpt from an almost endless list of ways that society is using technology. We mid-lifers have adapted and coped, but it would not be honest to not admit that generally, a gap exists between us and them: “digital natives” (those who grew up in technology) and we who grew up in the analog world. This gap can be seen all around us and ties in to the second observation I see as fascinating: in a future day, our generation will be gone. The world will be filled with digital natives and this divide will have aged out. But for now, we are witnessing an interaction between two sub-cultures which will, one day, be history.

Of course, there are individuals in our age group who are managing technology with ease and it would be unwise to stereotype. But every day in my work as an employment counselor, I see evidence of a gap. Career search, while exceptions still exist, has become an entirely different experience than it used to be. Does anyone out there remember the days when looking for a job gave us the option of “pounding the pavement?” When we could meet a potential employer in person, give them a warm handshake and hand them an application we had completed on paper? Job hunting today consists mostly of online interactions. It is sobering when I encounter people in our age group, even senior citizens, who have lost a job and are desperately seeking employment because they have bills to pay and social security isn’t cutting it. For them, this landscape can be frustrating and bewildering. I see it in their faces; I hear it in the questions they ask. Younger people navigate this process with ease; for older people, it is a situation that requires courage.

In our technology-filled world, we do what we have to do to get through. We recognize that frequently our lives are easier or more efficient with technology. Sometimes we even have fun! But does it ever get just a little under your skin that what takes you an hour to figure out (if you can), your 9-year-old grandchild can master in a snap? We’re smart, we’re educated, so what is the deal with technology?
Please join me next time as we further discuss this question.