Career Change in Mid-Life

Being in the stage of mid-life puts its own unique spin on everything we do, and career change is no exception. Changing careers in your twenties or thirties is one thing; career change in your fifties or sixties? It’s a whole different ballgame. Sixties? you ask.. who’s changing careers in their sixties? A lot more than you would think!

When we change careers in mid-life, it is sometimes voluntary. It is sometimes forced upon us in a devastating way and by surprise. Maybe it is not career change that we are experiencing, but career entry – after years of being outside the workforce.

I have my own story of mid-life career change and in my case, it was voluntary. I had been working happily for several years in the financial aid office of a local college. In spite of the fact that I loved the beautiful campus, the people I worked with and I especially loved the students, in 2011 I began to have inner stirrings; thoughts of doing something different. Thanks to a serendipitous conversation with a coworker, I was ultimately led to a different kind of employment opportunity in a nearby county. The position was still in the field of human services, but it involved serving people in a much different way. I applied, tested, interviewed, interviewed again and by early spring of 2012, had a job offer in hand. I retired from state service and went off to pursue a new career. This was crazy! It was also exhilarating.

My husband, who apparently had had some quiet concerns, now began voicing them. “But, you’ve been working at the school for so long..” “You’re so happy there..” “It’s right down the street from you and now you’ll have to commute.” “I thought you said you were trying to simplify your life, not complicate it..” His points were, of course, all valid. But my inner voice continued to say, “This is right.” And so I followed that voice, gave notice to my old employer and began to walk in a new direction.

I took a two-week break and went to Kansas (yes, Kansas, it was wonderful), then started my new job upon return. The first couple of weeks felt surreal. Was I really here? Had I actually left my old job? At first I viewed everything through the lens of comparison.. comparing my new and former industries, comparing office practices, workplace culture, and people. Now I had a whole new crop of co-workers that I saw each day. I would get to know these people and I knew that, given time, they would become my friends.

Learning my new vocation required a one-year training process in a class with nine other individuals. The last time I had trained for a new job, I’d been in my thirties; now I was in my fifties. Could my brain do it? Did I have what it would take? Well, it did not prove easy. There was a lot to learn, much of which involved new computer systems. Some days were really hard and confusing, and those days were sometimes followed by tear-filled evenings. During this time my husband was my champion and definitely earned an “I-survived-my-wife’s-training” T-shirt!

Inevitably, I began comparing myself and my learning to others in my class. Was I doing as well as they? How were they able to recall concepts and answer questions so easily? Comparisons led to self-doubt about my abilities. Then even worse, I began to doubt my intelligence. My whole life I had believed that I was a smart person, then one day I had a conversation with myself and questioned if all along I’d been wrong about that – that maybe I really was not the smart person I thought I was. At this point I decided there was only one thing to do: have my brain evaluated by a professional – a psychiatrist! When I called for an appointment and was asked the reason for the request, the scheduler on the other end was kind and began to talk to me. For fifteen minutes we discussed different thinking styles and learning styles; she shared with me that there are concrete thinkers and there are abstract thinkers. I was able to determine that I was an abstract thinker, and because of that, I think and learn differently than those who are not. This woman was my personal angel that day.

Now I began to feel better about myself and did not need that appointment after all! How did things turn out? I passed the training class. After proving myself a solid worker, I twice moved up to new opportunities, and LOVE what I currently do. So many lessons here, including the power of following our inner voice, and the power of never giving up on ourselves.

The Power of Consistency

It is said that people who consistently do small good things will eventually bring about great results. As I look back on my life, I realize the effect that this principle has had on my life and the lives of my now grown children. While it is easier to see this at play when we look back on how far we’ve come, it is there even in those moments when we question if we are getting anywhere.

I sometimes experienced those moments when I was raising four kids – three teenagers and a rambunctious little girl – as a single mom. There was never enough time and never enough money.  What I wanted for my kids, and what they  wanted, were frequently two different things.  In my mind, I had a vision of the goal I wanted us to reach, but our daily reality frequently felt like it was off the mark.

For some reason, a particular Sunday afternoon stands out in my mind. I was standing on my driveway, and was overwhelmed with the feeling that I just wasn’t measuring up.  Truth is, I had already done so much that day that was good for the kids, and good for our family, but it was hard to see that.  As it turned out, day by day and year-by-year, they grew up and went into the world to create their own successful lives and families.

Fast-forward to the future:  On my job where I work with individuals and families in need, I had occasion to speak with a mom and dad who are doing the best they can to raise their family. Money is tight; they can barely afford to pay their rent. Dad is in school trying to finish a nursing degree. Mom recently lost her job and is looking desperately for another one. Their oldest child has started college, the next one is in high school and the youngest in junior high. They feel they can no longer afford the expensive area they live in and are thinking of moving somewhere more affordable, but trying to balance the need for that with the desire to keep the younger two in their communities and schools.  The father could return to work to help with finances but doing so sacrifices the greater long-term security of his hoped-for nursing degree.

Everything feels so heavy right now.  I could see it in the wear on Mom’s face.

These were good people with a strong desire to do what is right for their family, yet they the were so afraid they were failing.  I pulled from the treasure-house of my own experience to offer them reassurance:

“You already have a successful family. You’re in school trying to improve yourself. You’ve got one kid in college and another one on the way!  You’re keeping a roof over their heads, and food in their tummies.  Everyone’s getting up and going to work or school every day.  You already are successful.  Just keep doing what you’re doing, one day after the next, and don’t give up.”

Mom started to cry, and a tear came down Dad’s cheek.  My words had struck a place deep in their hearts, hitting on their deepest heartfelt desire.

If I could go back in time, I would give that same reassurance to the younger woman on the driveway.  I would tell her she is in the middle of a great work, and is showing up for that work, every day.  She continues to put one foot in front of the other and with each day that passes, is one day closer to producing adults who will have come from a decent home.

What’s rewarding about Consistency, especially when it comes to kids – it’s not just the cumulative effect of those small daily efforts, but the example we end up setting along the way.  Our reward comes not just from the fruits of our labors, but when our kids grow up and become “consistent” people themselves.

Unclear on the Concept: “You Can’t Change Others”

I grew up hearing the phrase, “You can’t change others, you can only change yourself.” While my mom used to say it and I felt it must therefore be a commonly agreed upon wisdom, I didn’t fully understand what I think now, is its meaning. Even as a child, there was a responsibility that I felt for other people, and my mindset caused me to layer the phrase with an additional meaning. My take on it was as follows: The way we get others to change, is by changing ourselves.

This perception went on for the majority of my life until one day as an adult, I had an unexpected epiphany. It happened some years ago during a staff meeting at work. I had had a longstanding friendship with one of my co-workers and was feeling that for whatever reason, things just weren’t “the same.” I wanted her to behave in the kind, friendly and easy-going way that I felt she had before, but it seemed she had grown to be a somewhat distant, and grumpy. This seeming change in our friendship felt disappointing to me and somewhat hurtful, because while I still thought she was awesome, it felt like she no longer thought that of me, even though I was trying to be as “awesome” as I could.

As I sat experiencing unhappy feelings in the staff meeting, a thought descended upon me: “You’ve tried everything you can, and you can’t make her change. So forget it! It’s not worth feeling unhappy over anymore.” That was the first thought. The second thought, which followed immediately, was the epiphany: What if this is what “changing ourselves, not others,” is really all about? I change to make myself feel better, and whether or not she changes, is really beside the point? Wait – could it be this easy? Wow… I thought. Just taking care of myself could be a lot less stressful than having to “manage” her.

This new perspective felt revolutionary, even freeing. We tend to remember moments in our lives that are clarifying or defining, and that’s why I’ve never forgotten this day. It would be the beginning for me of many discoveries to come in the years ahead about self-care, happiness, freedom, and co-dependency.

What is Self Care?
It is inevitable in our lives that others will sometimes play a role in situations that cause us stress, unhappiness, or make us just plain uncomfortable. Choosing to change ourselves or a circumstance (where we have control), in spite of what others do or do not do, can produce a result that’s easier for us to live with. This is at the heart of self-care. We give up trying to have the power to change someone else, and once we’ve freed ourselves from that responsibility, our energy can be focused in other places.

An irony to this is that sometimes the changes we make to ourselves or our circumstances will prompt a change in others, sometimes a positive change! That possibility is what creates the temptation to think of their change as our end goal. It’s ok to allow for that possibility, but when we begin to hope for it or expect it, that is when we will hopefully take our focus off of them, and put it back on ourselves. Our goal has to be about us, and what we’re doing for ourselves. You may think, well that sounds kind of selfish! But this type of thinking is not about self-gratification; it is about self-care. And it is one of the most loving things we can do for others.

A New Look at Old Limitations

Life took me down a path where at age 36, I became a single mom of four kids, without a college education.  A wonderful blessing came my way and I landed a job at a local state university.  It was a modest salary but now I could support my family (well, mostly) and have health coverage for myself and my children.  Perhaps the most exciting part of this new job was that it included the opportunity of taking college courses, for just $13 a semester!  To attend a four-year university at a price like that?  Well that was like a dream come true.

I enrolled in my first class and began my long journey toward a Bachelor’s degree.  It was a blessing yes – but it was also getting an education the hard way – while trying to work full-time, raise a family, keep food on the table, order in the home and maintain my sanity.  Between time in the classroom and the necessary homework, every milestone was hard fought for.  Every “A” or “B” at the completion of a course was a cause for celebration, bringing me one step closer to the seemingly far-off goal of a college education.

There were many semesters I sat out because I just couldn’t do it, so my journey was slow.  Years passed and the time came when my three older children had grown and left the home, and my youngest was now in high school.  I was still working for the university, and by now all those hours I’d been racking up through the years had earned me the right to one day claim a modest pension when I retired.  Educationally speaking, I was still plugging away.

In the big picture I was making progress, but the years of hard work, difficulty with making ends meet and the family responsibilities I had carried, had had an effect on how I saw my future.  I felt my earning options were limited, my future cast in stone.  To sum it up, I guess you could say I believed that I had missed the “success” boat early on, and it was never coming back.

By contrast, I had a close friend about my age but whose life, in some aspects, had taken a different path.  After completing his Bachelor’s degree early on, he eventually obtained a Teaching Credential and then a Master’s Degree.  He had financial success and options open to him that I thought would always be outside of my reach because of the lot in life I believed  had become mine.  This outlook all changed suddenly one night in 2009, as I sat in a Political Science class.

Always a fan of the Social Studies discipline, I was rapt with enjoyment in the lecture when suddenly I began to think, “This is so interesting to me, I wouldn’t mind having a degree in Political Science.”  My mind wandered on.  “In fact, I wouldn’t have to stop at a Bachelor’s degree, I could keep going and get a Master’s degree if I wanted.”  That’s when the light began to come on.  Before, all I could see was that I would eventually get a Bachelor’s degree, and I felt that nothing much would change in my life.  Suddenly, I began to picture myself with a Master’s Degree, and ideas for a whole new future, one with many more career and financial options than I had ever envisioned for myself, began pouring in.  This was a defining moment for me – because I began to see my limitations in a new way.

All of us have limitations. Some of them are real, some of them we self-impose – either consciously or subconsciously.  If you would like to take a new look at some of your old “limitations,” you could start by considering some of the following questions:

Are inaccurate beliefs or misperceptions about what you can or can’t do, clouding your view? Is there something you are afraid of?  Is there someone or something you feel is holding you back, that would not be if only you could learn how to stand up to them/it?  Do you feel falsely limited by your age?

What you would do without your limitations?  Would you pursue a career in a field you’ve never worked, but always wondered about?  Start or complete a college education?  Achieve an athletic goal?  Master a difficult skill or talent?  Maybe your dream would be to travel distant places.  Or perhaps your dream is right here at home, in a relationship that is difficult right now, but with the right tools, could be redefined.

If these questions make you just a little bit excited, or cause a flame in your heart to burn just a little bit brighter, then I invite you to take a good look at what may be holding you back, and ask yourself, “Are my limitations real or perceived?”   You just may see doors opening that you never saw before.